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Latest news and headlines from : The Daily Mash - URL : www.newsoneplace.com/?source=76
Twats up ante by going to foreign music festival  SMUG twats who live to outdo their friends have upped the ante by attending a music festival in Portugal. 
Kids unable to play without doing weird American accent  CHILDREN adopt annoying American accents when playing and nobody really knows why, it has emerged.
Dressing dog up a cry for help  A WOMAN dressing her dog up in human outfits is not doing too well, she has confirmed.
Which subliminal mind-control messages will be on Strictly this year?  AS the new Strictly Come Dancing approaches, which subliminal messages will it contain to keep the population in a state of sheep-like docility? Here they...
Romantic wild swim ends in severe bout of the shits  A COUPLE who thought it would be romantic to swim naked in a tranquil river have ended up with a nasty dose of diarrhoea and some tetanus booster jabs.
Vaper confident that caramel-flavoured nicotine gas could never be detrimental to health  A VAPE user doesn’t believe that inhaling gallons of flavoured nicotine mist might be somehow be unhealthy.
Dog horrified to discover owner is low-ranking beta male  A DOG has been shocked to discover his owner is not a pack leader but a lowly subordinate.  
Government commits £49 to tent for the homeless  THE government has unveiled plans to eradicate homelessness by buying a tent from Millets.
Mum fends off robbers by telling them about her blog  A BRAVE mother-of-two fought off handbag thieves by describing her blog about the trials and tribulations of being a mum.
Tickets on the door only, rules Ticketmaster  TICKETMASTER has closed its secondary resales websites and its main website, announcing that from now on the only way to get in is to queue at the door. 
Box of green tea in office kitchen now longest-serving member of staff  A BOX of green tea in an office kitchen has now been there longer than any of the employees.
Telegraph readers demand more stuff about Muslims and a free pair of gardening gloves  READERS of the Telegraph have confirmed they want more anti-Muslim propaganda and a free pair of gardening gloves.
Woman trapped in hateful job working with stupid bastards for evil corporation seems a bit grumpy today  COLLEAGUES of a woman who is basically a slave to a vast evil corporation run by bastards have asked her why she’s being a ...
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