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Look at the size of this f**king bee, say scientists  AN absolutely massive bee has been found in a remote region of Indonesia by a team of totally freaked-out entomologists.
Why I am leaving the Empire, by Darth Vader  TODAY is my last day at the Empire.
Man somehow remembers school fondly despite hating every second of it  A MAN has given a glowing account of his school days that is very different to how his friends remember it.
Are you f**king furious enough about the ISIS bride?  ARE you worried you’re not being goaded enough by the media over ISIS bride Shamima Begum? Read our checklist and see if you could be angrier.
Why I am leaving Wetherspoons to get shitfaced independently  By former Wetherspoons customer Roy Hobbs
Man who rejects global warming firmly believes Star Wars will come true  A MAN who rejects the evidence for global warming does believe that a Death Star will one day be built in space.
Eighth Labour MP to quit admits she slept through her alarm on Monday  THE eighth Labour MP to quit for the independent group admitted she was meant to leave on Monday but it had been a big weekend.
Tories regret joining party full of horrible bastards  BITTER infighting over Europe has led Conservatives to question whether it was a good idea to join a party known for being horrible to people.
GP surgeries hoping patients either recover or drop dead while on hold  DOCTORS’ surgeries are hopeful that if they leave patients on hold for long enough they will either make a complete recovery or die.
Pregnant Meghan enjoys ill-timed night out with ISIS bride  THE Duchess of Sussex is under fire after enjoying a night out with Serena Williams, Jessica Mulroney, and ISIS bride Shamima Begum.
Pizza delivery guys sick of being used for sex  PIZZA delivery drivers have declared they are sick of being used for sex by randy housewives.
Just lie, dating experts advise  DATING experts have advised anyone looking for romance to lie through their teeth.
Hazard lights used sarcastically  A MOTORIST hopes the driver behind, who did not intend to allow her into traffic but had no choice, realises she was flashing her hazards sarcastically.
How to tell if your date is a psycho by their fridge  ARE you at a date’s home and trying to work out if they’re completely mental? A quick look at the contents of their fridge will give you the definitive answer.
Corbyn lines up seven marrows then smashes them with spade  JEREMY Corbyn has lined up seven marrows at his allotment, spoken to them in angry tones then smashed them with a spade, observers confirmed.
Are you the irritating new keen guy in the office?  HAVE you just started a new job and are getting on everyone’s tits with your unquenchable enthusiasm for every aspect of it?
High-achieving woman has strict morning routine and shitloads of money  A WOMAN who credits her success to her disciplined morning routine somehow neglects to mention the fact she inherited £3.2m aged 21.
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