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  EVERYONE is struggling under lockdown, and everyone’s got tips to help. But have you tried downing a bottle of brandy while drawing tattoos on your own...
  A MAN who puts his sleeve over his hand to open the front door is still eating pizza made by five teenagers on minimum wage.
  A HOMESCHOOLED child has realised he is both more intelligent and better educated than his clueless cretin parents.
  LOCKDOWN? Thriving on it mate. Meet the four types of weirdo who actually like this.
  OLD people have requested bored younger people to please f**k off and leave them alone.
  THE UK has confirmed that if events cause it to need to drink before noon, it is ready to shoulder that burden.
  THE UK has agreed that days at this point are taking weeks, and weeks are taking entire f**king years.
  BEEN at a party and grabbed the hips of the last person in line to join the joyous conga kicking its way past recently? Of course not. And all these things are...
  RAW, chapped hands are now the only hands Britons can bear to have touch them, they have confirmed.
  HUMANITY has been reminded of what’s truly important by COVID-19. Here’s five lessons we’ll forget the moment it’s gone.
  A WOMAN is horrified at the sheer amount of crap she eats on a daily basis now she is at stuck at home.
  PARENTS have confirmed that juggling working from home and educating young children while never going out is just an absolute f**king joy.
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