● Dog realises he was adopted A LABRADOR has realised that the people he thought were his parents are actually a different species.
● Six unconventional male sex fantasy figures DO you have sex fantasies too embarrassing to admit even to yourself? Here are six blokes you’ve had unwelcome thoughts of shagging.
● How to not be able to live on £150k, by Boris Johnson DO YOU think you could live comfortably on the prime minister’s £150,000 salary? Think again. Boris Johnson explains how hard it is.
● Joe Wicks fat as f**k JOE Wicks has put on eight stone since ending his daily lockdown exercise sessions and is in no way ready to start them up again.
● How to be an even bigger panic-buying dick second time around SO worried about others panic-buying you’ve rushed straight out to start panic-buying? Here’s some lessons from Lockdown 1 to help cause shortages and shaft others.
● Country run by f**king f**knuts surprisingly f**king f**ked THE UK’s status as officially f**king f**ked status and its leadership by total f**king f**knuts could be connected, it has emerged.
● The only reasons your landline could possibly be ringing JESUS Christ, what’s that noise? And where is it coming from? Ah, it’s the landline you’re obliged to keep in order to have broadband. But who could be ringing?
● You irresponsible office-working pubgoing bastards, says government THE UK may face a second lockdown thanks to irresponsible bastards working in offices and drinking in pubs, the government has warned.